Day 2: MAKING FEELINGS VISIBLE / LOOKING AT FEELINGS

DAY TWO Grieving Task 3 - 

MAKING FEELINGS VISIBLE /  LOOKING AT FEELINGS

 

In advance: Copy ‘emotional person’ (see example)

Copy masks (see example) and prepare rubber bands and have a hole puncher at hand.

Copy a mandala for home coloring ( www.mandala.beginthier.nl )

Tears jar: buy some small round or drop-shaped glass beads, stones, different in shape and color, and put them in a jar

Shell: display some (different) shells

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Candle ritual 

Light the candles together for the deceased and place them next to the photos.

 

From worry tree to the tree of life

How are your concerns? Are they still in the right place in the tree? Can any concerns already be removed, or do new concerns need to be added? ……………………

 

Is there anything else you would like answered?

(from your mother / father, from the doctor, funeral director, police as an expert).

Then make a list together of all the questions you can think of………………..

 

It is important that children have their questions answered, to prevent that their imagination runs away with wrong conclusions.

There is not always an answer to all questions. ………………………………

 

Sky phone

Who wouldn't want to know what it's like over there now? There in the land of the dead, in the void or on that star, behind the rainbow or in the sky?

Do you ever have the feeling that you feel that your ....... is nearby, or that you hear her/him inside you, or that you see her/him. ( My father is sometimes with me and I used to find that a bit scary, but now I enjoy talking to him every now and then.)

If a child finds that scary, you can ask what they need at that moment. If they really want to protect themselves, you can make a shield, or a golden sun.

 

What else would you like to ask ........

If they think it's a bit strange, you can start by calling your own deceased father or mother: ‘I can ask my father to look for your mother who is also there’.

Tell them in advance that the people in heaven speak a different language. A language that may be in words, but it can also be in colors or images. Some children feel a warmth in their stomach or a tickle in their big toe.

This way you offer the children the opportunity to do it in their own way. They can also only listen.

Of course, there are also children for whom the sky phone is a fake thing, who simply do not believe in a connection with heaven through a telephone. It is not the right means of communication for those children!

 

Grieving task 3 = WORKING WITH FEELINGS: MAKING VISIBLE AND EXPERIENCE FEELINGS OF LOSS TO HEAL THEM  

 

Inside – outside      

Recognizing the SADNESS - living through / feeling the pain      

SHOW the SHELL and tell how different the inside can be from the outside that we see.

Sometimes you have a feeling inside that you immediately know a word for. For example, you know that this feeling is called sadness. However, it often happens that you have no word for it at all.

Then you just know that there is a feeling there somewhere inside. In your stomach, in your throat or in your head. Sometimes you can see how someone feels on the outside. For example, when someone is shouting or kicking something really hard. Then you can see and hear that someone is angry.

Tears may also be visible on the outside of a person. Then the person could be sad or in pain, but he could also have tears of laughter. Often you cannot see from someone's outside what feelings they have on the inside. Then you are angry inside or you have tears of sadness on the inside. Then you cry "on the inside" as a little boy once said.

 

Turn the Long Eared Rabbit hand puppet inside out and give it to the child to look at.

READING about the feelings of the rabbit that turns its inside out.

(The following story by Toon Tellegen is about feelings. After you have read the story, you can let children tell you what they feel inside. They can also draw or write about it.)

 

The rabbit was so curious about what he actually felt inside, somewhere inside him, that he turned himself inside out to find out.

They were in the middle of the forest, a little later in the day. The blackbird was just waking up from an afternoon nap and wasn't sure if he was still dreaming, and the sparrow almost fell from the sky in surprise, because there, in the wet grass, in the warm sun, with a lot of huffing and puffing, the rabbit was pushing his insides out, while his outsides disappeared inwards. The blackbird flew to the grass and a little later the cricket also emerged from the bushes where it had been looking for food.

“How is that possible,” said the cricket. "Hello!"

Suddenly they heard a voice very softly from inside the rabbit, which had been turned inside out.

“Is that you rabbit?” asked the cricket. “Yes,” said the voice.

"What are you doing over there?"

“Can you see my feelings?” "Your feelings?" "Yes, you do know what feeling is...? It has to be there somewhere." "Do you see anything?" the cricket asked the blackbird. “No,” said the blackbird. "What should I pay attention to?"

“And my thoughts?” the muffled voice asked. Again the cricket and the blackbird looked at the rabbit turned inside out, shrugged their shoulders and said, "No." “Oh,” said the voice. "What do you see then?" “Yes,” said the cricket. "How can I say that? It doesn't make any sense."

“But maybe that's just my feeling!” said the voice. “It looks strange,” said the blackbird. “You can't eat like that, rabbit,” said the cricket. I don't see your mouth anywhere." "That's right," said the voice. "My mouth is here." "Aren't you hungry?" asked the cricket.

It was quiet for a moment. Then the voice said: "That's a feeling, isn't it? I don't know. Look." The cricket and the blackbird took a closer look at the inside of the rabbit and the cricket thought he could see that the rabbit was hungry.

“Yes, you are hungry,” he said. “Oh,” said the voice. "Now what?" "I think ...", said the cricket, "that you should turn outside in, rabbit. There is no other option." "I think so too," said the blackbird. Rabbit asked again if they saw his feelings and also certain thoughts that he sometimes had against his will. But they saw nothing. Then the rabbit turned back inside out again with a lot of creaking and noise. The cricket and the blackbird helped him pull and push.

"And yet," said the rabbit, when he stood again in the grass, his insides inside and his outsides out, "yet you should have seen my feelings. For now it is here again." He tapped his stomach. "Here".

The blackbird greeted the other two and flew away, while the cricket took the rabbit to a mysterious place under the oak tree  where there was a jar of soft honey, which the cricket had hidden there for a very special occasion.

"That's strange, cricket,” said the rabbit, taking a big bite. The cricket nodded.

"I think my feeling is red," said the rabbit, "light red. I think so. But I would really like to be sure. Too bad you couldn't find it."

The cricket nodded and took some more honey.

Coloring human body - inside

When you have physical complaints, such as stomach ache or pain in your heart, you cry inside. Then you have emotional pain.

Sometimes you can see feelings on your face. Try them out: look happy, sad, angry etc. ……….

However, often your feelings are hidden deep inside. Do you know where your feelings are: Angry, scared, happy, sad, pain?

Color in a drawing of what your body looks like on the inside. Indicate what color each feeling has.

(On day three, turn the drawing over and ask: when are you sad, scared, angry, do you have a pain in your stomach, are you worried or are you HAPPY?)

 

Feelings of ..................................................

EVERY FEELING HAS ITS OWN COLOR

 

1. WHAT COLOR IS IT

        HAPPY

        ANXIOUS

        ANGRY

        SADNESS

        PAIN

        .............................

        (let the child find out his/her own feelings:

        .............................

 For instance: worries, lonely or abandoned, guilty?)

 

2. WHERE ARE THESE FEELINGS IN YOUR BODY? (color in)

 

 

At school

Come up with solutions for this together!

And if you get a difficult feeling, and you can't ask anyone at that moment, how would you solve it? ……………………………..

For example: massaging the pain in your stomach or head, just sitting quietly for a while, taking one or two deep breaths, stopping work, telling the teacher, leaving the classroom for a while, for example going to the toilet and drinking some water, start drawing.

 

Tears: I'm crying a jar of tears - SADNESS

 

 

 

READING : a poem

A bucket full of tears

When someone dies

whom you love very much,

then your sadness seems

a bucket full of tears

all of which need to be cried.

 

Only when that has happened

your sorrow is to bear.

Therefore:

don't be ashamed of your tears,

don't hold them back,

let them come,

it gives you air,

the bucket becomes emptier,

there will be more space again.

 

For some people the bucket is empty quickly

for others it takes longer,

because everyone cries in their own time.

But don't shut it down

with a cover of boldness or shame

or fear of people,

because then you have to carry it with you

and he is getting heavier.

 

So give your tears free rein,

Even in tears there is comfort:

they carry your sadness

drop by drop out.

 

Sadness – types of tears

Sometimes you have tears on the inside. Sometimes you have tears on the outside. Sometimes your mouth laughs and your belly cries. There are many types of tears. Crying will provide relief, and then you will feel better again.

There are different tears, for example: I feel so alone tear, I miss you so much tear, I don't think it's fair tear, I don't know how I feel tear, I'm afraid daddy is going to die too tear, I have a pain in my stomach tear, I can't sleep tear, I never want to forget you tear, a bad dream tear, I want to talk but I don't know how tear, why now you tear, I'm worried tear, I feel so lonely tear.

Do you also want to have a tear, or several! 

What types of tears do you have ………………..? 

(also from happiness? Sometimes   you have to laugh very hard when you are happy)

(children grieve in pieces, so they are sad, and so they play and are happy again. Emphasize that children can also play and be happy, and do not have to be sad all day long.)

 

If you are sad and want to be comforted, it is best to ask someone. Your father, or a boyfriend or girlfriend, or your aunt, or your grandmother or grandfather of course, or the school teacher.

And tell them what helps you. For example, a kiss, a hug, or an arm around you.

 

What can you do if you are sad but you don't want to talk about it? …………………………….. (Let them come with suggestions)

Sometimes it can help if you agree on a gesture. For example

Raise your hand,

hang your head

Put something on the table.

 

I feel bad. What helps?

* Crying brings relief

* Talk about it with mom or dad, grandpa or grandma, the teache

* Watching a video/television      

* Play a (computer) game      

* Talking to your teddy. Your stuffend animal won't tell anyone else.      

* Tell your dog/cat/hamster/doll what you think. Tell your secrets.     

* Write down in a notebook what you feel      

* Write a note to your father/mother/brother/sister who has passed away    

* Take a walk or ride your bike outside  (if possibile and allowed)

* Playing outside with friends     

* Singing a song or dancing to music     

* Go to the Fantasy World, where everything is possible, where you can do magic     

 

 

 Making an emotional mask          

MUSIC: put on a CD with all kinds of songs about saying goodbye

Show mussel shell again, mother of pearl on the inside, black on the outside, or other shells. They all have a different inside than outside.

 

We're going to make a mask today.

 

Every person has an inside and an outside. When someone feels good, it can sometimes be seen on their face. With other feelings, such as sad and angry, it is also possible to see this on the outside of someone.

Sometimes people choose not to show the feeling they have on the inside on the outside.

They then put on a mask, as it were.

What does yóur inside look like? What do you look like on the outside?

You can give the mask a color, but you can also draw on it how you feel.

It can be very protective when you put it on.

 

Attach the rubber bands and let the children put on their masks.

 

   

Is pain nonsense? - PAIN

READ OUT :  Is pain nonsense?

 

A story by Toon Tellegen.

 

"Does your sting ever hurt like that, wasp?" the bee once asked the wasp. "No," said the wasp, "but unfortunately I do have a pain in my waist. Don't you have that?"

“No,” said the bee. "I never have pain in my waist." The animals sat together at the edge of the forest, next to the river, under the willow. “I sometimes have a pain in my mustache,” said the cat. “A kind of dull pain. Like my mustache is throbbing. That kind of pain." "And I sometimes have a pain in my shell," said the turtle. "Especially when I have to travel, the night before I go." He paused for a moment. "The best thing to do is not to go."

The deer told about the pain in his antlers. “My whole antler looks like it's on fire if I have that.”

The snail said he often had cramps in his stalks, and the camel told of unpleasant tingling in his humps. The horse said, "I have pain here." He opened his mouth wide and pointed inside. Everyone leaned in to see that pain, but it was too dim and far away to make anything out. “That's a shame,” said the horse. "Because it is an interesting pain."

"I'm never in pain," the ladybug said suddenly. It became very quiet.

Everyone looked at the ladybug with wide eyes.

"Pain is nonsense" said the ladybug. The squirrel thought about the pain he sometimes felt inside him – he never knew exactly where.

It was a sad pain, he thought. Would that pain also be nonsense?, he thought.

 

It was a warm day. The river shimmered and everyone thought about his pain and wondered if it was real and not nonsense. The sun went down and the wind picked up. The river started to ripple. "Shoots," said the ladybug softly after a while, "I do have those sometimes. If you want to call that pain, then that's fine with me."

 

 

Pain is not nonsense. All pains exists, pain in your stomach, in your heart, or when you fall on your knees or your hands, or pain in your head. And pain in your feelings, that is called sadness.

 

Do you ever have pain? ………………………………………………………

You can't immediately get rid of the pain of loss in your heart, but you can be happy for what you do have!

 

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This is the end of day 2.

 

Hand over the mask

 

For at home:

Explanation of coloring mandalas

A mandala is a "magical" circle. It is an old word and comes from India. You will find mandalas all over the world. They can be found in ancient churches or on Greek vases. Drawing and coloring a mandala will help you to become calmer. For example, when you are angry or sad. It is said that it helps you to grow and to find your inner self. You can color the mandala with pencils, markers, paint, or wax crayons. When you're done with coloring and you look at it for a while, you can become completely calm, cheerful or happy again. This allows you to make yourself a little better.

Have fun with drawing and coloring. 

 

 

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