DAY 1
Grieving task 1 = GETTING CLEAR WHAT HAS ACTUALLY HAPPENED
In advance : Make a
worry tree or together with the children. You can ask the child
if they have a teddy bear. Invite it to take it with you. Prepare pieces of
paper with a hole punch and colored ribbons (which often come with a bouquet of
flowers), or woolen threads to hang up the worries.
Make a heart, star, butterfly or angel from felt. Prepare pre-cut felt, needle
and thread, beads and filling (wadding, or extractor hood filter). (see
examples in toolkit and work plan)
Or prepare a (bear) mandala to color.
(see www.mandala.beginthier.nl)
Display the worry dolls
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Introduction round (with several children at the same time)
Who died in your family?
Photo of the deceased:
display.
Light candles.
Cuddly bear
With the teddy bear in your arm, you can point out to children that they
are currently going through a difficult period in their lives. But that they –
just like the bear – have enormous inner strength. The bear will remind them
that they also have "bear power" themselves.
Or be as strong as a lion, tiger, giraffe, or elephant, etc
I find it very annoying for you that you have to deal with death at such a
young age. My father and mother are also dead. But then I was older and had
children of my own.
What exactly is death? (let them tell) ………………….
What exactly is death?
READ OUT : Who among us has ever died?...............
Who among us has ever died?
(after Toon Tellegen / Maybe they knew everything. 214 stories about the
squirrel and the other animals, p. 294)
On a
dark day at the end of the year, the animals gathered in the clearing in the
middle of the forest. When everyone had said something, the blackbird cleared
his throat and asked, "Who among us knows if he has ever died?"
The wind blew through the leaves of the trees, the sun
was behind a cloud and no one said anything. "No one?" asked the
blackbird.
The salamander
stood up and asked, "Really dead? Don't you mean just your tail or
something?"
“No, really dead,”
said the blackbird. It remained silent. No one dared to look around. Finally
the blackbird said, "OK, thank you. I just wanted to know."
All the animals started talking to each other and
everyone nudged everyone else. "Why do you want to know that?" asked
the ladybug. “Just to be sure,” said the blackbird. Then he turned and
disappeared into a bush.
Animals that had never frowned before now did so and
the wind started blowing harder and there was nothing left to talk about. The
squirrel and the caterpillar walked home. The squirrel got goosebumps, but they
were no ordinary tremors. “What are those vibrations?” asked the caterpillar.
"Those are shivers," said the squirrel. "Shudders?" said
the caterpillar. "I've never heard of that before." "No,"
said the squirrel. "It's the first time I've had that."
The caterpillar began to think deeply. But suddenly he
became afraid that he was thinking too deeply and might not be able to think
back. And as quickly as he could, he started thinking of fresh leaves and his
wish to become a butterfly and the ditch and the warmth of the sun. He nudged
the squirrel and said, "You should think about that too, squirrel, about
the warm rays of the sun."
After this story you can talk with the children about death and everything
they think it entails. If there are any ambiguities or "weird"
stories, you can respond to them. It is often surprising what children come up
with.
Life is finite; we cannot determine when we die.
When you are born, you also die. That happens to all of us.
Life lasts a lifetime. Sometimes it is short and sometimes very long, or
something in between.
Finally, you can ask them if they would like to make a drawing about death and what it entails.
If you do this with a group of children, it is fun to show the drawings to each
other.
Let the children also tell something about the drawing. ………………………………
Cathy Caterpillar (show the stuffed animal)
The caterpillar knows very
well what change is. All caterpillars have that in them, that when their life
as a caterpillar is over, they will soon turn into a beautiful butterfly!
Death is part of life.
Cathy's legs all have different colors. A bit of sadness, a bit of anger, a
bit of fear, a bit of pain. Sad/boring/annoying as well as fun and enjoyable
things are part of life. All people have that sometimes. But usually things go
well and you can see that in Rinus' green body.
Now that you have lost your mother/father/brother/sister, you have some
work to do, we call them grief tasks.
Just like you get tasks at
school, to
1 = to clarify what actually
happened
2 = learning to deal with
someone you have lost
3 = get clear about your
feelings about the loss and what it feels like, what you feel
4 = adaptable to an
environment without your deceased mother/father/brother/sister
5 = make new friendships
That 's why I think it 's good
that you come here five times.
We'll have a chat and do some
crafts or coloring.
Should you talk
about it or not?
It is never fun to talk about the death of your
father/mother/brother/sister. Because you prefer to forget a little every now
and then. And when you feel sad, you get a lump in your throat and you just
can't say anything at all.
Sometimes you have no words to talk about your father/mother/brother/sister
for a long time.
You can also tell their story in a different way, for example with a
drawing, or pasting and cutting, or coloring, or by writing down a story.
It's better to talk about it together than to think about it alone (because
then you might come up with something that might not be right at all). So it is
better to tell your father or mother if something is bothering you.
A grandmother or grandfather can tell you a lot about your own deceased
father or mother, what he or she was like when she still lived with them.
Just ask if you can come and see photos of what mom/daddy looked like when
he/she was little.
What else would you like to know about your
father/mother?
(If the
child hesitates….) ………………………………..
You can also tell your story to your pet or cuddly toys. They can listen
very well.
Do you ever tell things to your pet or cuddly toy? Do
you feel different afterwards? ……………………….
READ OUT Where will you go when you're
dead?
Children often have their own ideas about where the person who died is now.
To find out what these ideas are, and whether there are any scary thoughts
for the child, you can say the following to children:
Where do you go
when you're dead?
When you're
dead, your body is broken.
It can no longer
feel anything.
The shell (body)
is returned to the earth or to the air.
You are free to believe in, for example, a God, a
heaven, a soul, or that there is nothing, or that you do not know. That your
father/mother/brother/sister has gone to the sun, moon, stars, picked up by the
angels, to the heavenly garden, or to the planets. ( Everyone has their
own idea about that!)
You can compare it, as it were, with a balloon. The
balloon bursts, the balloon is broken.
We don't know where the air from the balloon goes,
because we can no longer see it.
It's the same with someone who has died.
What do you
think?
Do you believe in something,
and if so, what do you believe where ……………….. has gone? …………………………………………….
READING A POEM :
Hi dad ( mom )
in heaven
Dear dad ( mom ),
can you still see me?
Look, this is my
birthday cake, and now I'm ten!
I would like to
send you a point
Just want to
peek around a corner
Are you
celebrating a little now too?
Or is that all
there in spirit?
When I lie in
bed I will think of you
Guess what you
want to give to me
A slice of
heaven or something?
Or can you
provide a new bicycle?
I will listen to
you very carefully
Can you whisper
a little more?
If I make it
very quiet in my ears,
Can I maybe hear
you from inside?
(Jan Vijn)
What has actually happened? If children don't want to talk: Let dolls talk to
stuffed animals. …………………………………………..
OR
Just ask the wise gnome (inner
child), he will probably know the answer. Just put it on your finger and hold
it to your ear, just listen…………………….
What is he saying? …………………….
We say goodbye very often in our lives. When you are born, you already have to leave your mother's warm belly. Or…..
If you go to a different class, you almost always get a different teacher.
When someone moves, you say goodbye to your old house and your neighbors.
If a pet, a bird, guinea pig, cat or dog or goldfish dies, you also have to
say goodbye.
Talking
stick
- If there are several children, the child may talk with the stick in his
hand
1. How did ……………… die?
2. What happened then?
3. How did you hear?
4. Have you seen him/her yet?
What was that like for you?
5. How did things go those
days afterward?
6. How did I say goodbye? Have
you made a drawing to put in the coffin, or decorated the coffin?
7. How was the
funeral/cremation?
8. What happened next
9. What is your most annoying
memory
10. Do you ever go to …………
grave?
11. School: Then you went back
to school? Had the teacher or teacher already told the children that your
father/mother/brother/sister had died? What was that like at school for you?
Play and watch te video with the song Hakuna Matata from the Disney film The Lion King. It means: Don't worry, be happy for the rest of your life.
Grieving task 2 = LEARNING TO DEAL
WITH LOSSES
Realize the loss, realize that
the person has really died.
Being able to say goodbye is
important here. (otherwise create a farewell!)
(It can help
if an adult recognizes that life is not always fun. But sometimes it is also
difficult, confusing and annoying, rotten.)
What helps if
you miss your...?
(ask if they have any ideas of
their own………………)
O Photo to look at and talk to
O Go to the grave or urn and talk a little.
O Talk about it with family or with the teacher.
O Scent on your father's/mother's handkerchief, take it to bed at night, then it feels like your father/mother is there.
O Take a stone from every holiday and place it at your father's/mother's spot.
Worry tree
(whether or not a real branch!), decorate with butterflies, apple, star, sun,
angels, hearts, etc. Elves, flowers.
Every person has concerns. They are in our heads and we take them with us
wherever we go. Worries are the things you always have to think about.
Today we are going to write down what you should always think about, where
your attention is always. If you have several nasty, annoying thoughts, you can
put them all on a separate piece of paper.
Then we hang it in the worry tree. No one else has to understand it. So you
can also write in secret! You can tape the note closed if you wish. But you can
also just talk about it and hang it on the tree, with a thread or ribbon.
Hand over worry dolls (available for purchase at the Wereldwinkel or
make yourself) and
explain that they were made by mothers in a country very far away, Guatemala.
They give such a doll to their child when he or she is sad and has concerns.
The children tell their story to the doll and put it under their pillow and the
next day their worries are a little less, and sometimes completely gone.
Magic Stone - Behind every worry there is a wish
If you could make a wish, what would you wish for? Do
you have any more wishes? Give each child a stone of their choice in their hand
and
let them make a wish. They don't necessarily have to make this known; may
put the wish in their stone or keep it in their heart.
CRAFTS : angel, star, butterfly, heart (The children can choose)
Playing
MUSIC : Children for children : Life lasts a lifetime; Mom where
are you now? My father is a star; Forever ( Marco Borsato );
Father's Day ( Marco Borsato ); Kusje ( Herman van
Veen )
For home use:
MAKE A DRAWING OF:
1. Farewell: drawing
2 . Signing the funeral or cremation
3. Drawing my own sky
My mother/father is with ……………
the sun, the moon, the stars, the rainbow, the sky, picked up by the angels,
the heavenly garden, the planets, nothingness.
Children sometimes tell
beautiful stories about it.
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This is the end of day 1.
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